Lesson 20 Mentors

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 20 Mentoring 1

A very important topic today – finding a mentor. 

First – what is a mentor?

“A mentor is a person or friend who guides a less experienced person by building trust and modeling positive behaviors. An effective mentor understands that his or her role is to be dependable, engaged, authentic, and tuned into the needs of the mentee. (taken from: http://www.oycp.com/MentorTraining/3/m3.html - which is a great resource to check out)

Having a experienced person listen to you; guide you and when appropriate give suggestions is going to be very valuable to you. 

Over the years, I have had many student mentees.

Example 1: Jerry was unsure of his major and direction.  We talked frequently and as it got to be time to register for classes for the next semester, we agreed for him to add a programming class to his schedule.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a programmer or an information systems major.  My advice was to try it out, it is one class and if it doesn’t fit, he could drop the class or finish it and go in another direction.  As it happened, he loved the class and did extremely well.  This lead to more information systems classes.  Then was the opportunity for an internship.  He had some different options.  The experience of an internship was going to be good no matter where he went.   He selected an internship with a major financial company – and now 20 years later has been promoted several times, has a group working under him and is very happy.

Example 2: Andrew was also good with information systems and we talked frequently about careers and direction.  He too had many options upon graduation and took one with a leadership development program which gave him about five internal positions within the business over a three year period.  At the end of that time, he was very valuable to the company and know the in-and-outs of how the entire company worked from working in the different departments.  He settled in and was recognized as a valued employee.  Then an opportunity came for him to move within that company to a different location. We talked about it – moving away from what he knew and people he knew to a new town, a new boss, and new experiences.  It meant selling a house and starting over.  Again, we talked and I listened to what I was hearing from his heart.  He made the move and is so much happier and in a great position to continue to be promoted.

Example 3: Lori was an average student.  She did well and we talked frequently.  Coming from a very close family and a small town, she just didn’t want to take a position in a large company in a different state.  We found a fantastic internship with a non-profit organization for her.  She really flourished in that environment and while that non-profit organization didn’t have an opportunity for her, she found her niche in a governmental agency and loves what she does – with less stress and more time with family than she would have had by moving to a neighboring state.

I do have many more mentoring success stories.

The author suggests that the student, even as a freshman, find a faculty mentor.  Talk to them about careers.  Experienced professors will also be able to help with networking and finding professionals to talk to. 

Take time to talk to all of your professors. Stop by their office to chat.  Ask them why they picked their particular discipline.  Stop to visit at least monthly.  Then narrow your focus to two that seem to be better able to help you in your career and future.  Get to know them more – take them for coffee (aside, faculty love to go for coffee).  Build your relationship.

Assignment:

• Research mentoring and being a mentee. 
• What makes for a good mentor? 
• How can you be a good mentee?
• If you are already in college, start working on this.  Make an appointment to visit with your professors – even those outside your intended major (with their networks, they will probably know people and opportunities that might be of interest to you.

Quote for today: “I am not a teacher, but an awakener.” ― Robert Frost

Lesson 19 Fake it until you make it

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 19 Fake it until you make it

We have talked about imaging, goals, attitudes and so much more in our earlier lessons.  Today we are looking at “Fake it until you make it”.

The concept is that although you are not quite into your ideal position, to act like you are in that position. 

This can work many ways.  Let’s try a health one.  You want to lose some weight and exercise.  But … you don’t “feel” like exercising.  Fake it.  Do and do the exercise – and it will happen (eventually).

In almost every activity there is some rehearsal time.  Let’s say you are in a play as a particular character.  For the first several rehearsals, you just don’t seem to be adequate in that part.  Keep going – fake it – learn the part – work on it.  By the time the play is performed, you will be outstanding in that part.

So, you get hired as a programmer (or accountant or any position).  Those first few weeks, you go home at night with head bowed down.  You say (negative self-talk) “I’m just not doing well at this.  I can’t do this.”.  Keep going, ask for help.

As a student, you are taking a tough class, say calculus.  You say “I can’t do this” as negative self-talk.  Picture yourself getting a good score on the test, fake it – ask questions in class, prepare, rehearse, go for help.  Work on it!!

You have been selected to lead your student organization.  Your self-talk says “I can’t do this”, but you take over the position and work on doing a great job.

Assignment:

• How might ‘fake it until you make it” have been part of your high school and other experiences? 
• How might you use ‘fake it unitl you make it’ as part of your college academic experiences?
• How might ‘fake it until you make it’ be in your brain as you take your first position.

Quote for today: “You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.” 
― Paulo Coelho

Lesson 18 Picture This

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 18 Picture This:

One way to reach our goal is to picture ourselves as reaching it.

Example:  Maybe my goal is to be a partner in a Big Four Accounting company by age 35.  I picture myself in my office.  On the walls are various plaques, awards and my CPA certificate.  On my desk are pictures of my family.  There might also be pictures of me in China, England, and other locations ‘on the job’.  My chair is an executive’s chair.  I have a corner office with windows overlooking my city.  I’m dressed as an accounting partner – professional, conservative suit (male or female style).  I also picture the party that the office threw for me when I became a partner – cake, ice cream, a huge banner behind me in a picture that says “Congratulations <name> on becoming a partner with Ernst and Young”. 

There are many other examples.  A quarterback pictures himself being carried off the field after a stunning Super Bowl victory.  Or he pictures the wide receiver “threading the needle” for a touchdown.

Or a picture from the local paper “Mother of the year” surrounded by your family.

Or a picture of you weighing your correct weight; or crossing the finish line at a marathon.

Or (maybe more in my case) surrounded by your grandchildren who adore you!

Set down – what is your goal for age 35 or 40?  Occupational position?  Top salesman?  Head of a major non-profit group?  Then picture your office, your apparel, the applause of the people around you, hugs from your family and friends.   

By picturing yourself as you want to be, your brain goes with your positive affirmations, your goals and lines up the result in your mind.

Assignment:

Take time to draw your mental image of your success by achieving your goal. Describe it in words, what words are appropriate?  Stunning?  Fantastic?  Well-deserved? 

Find internet examples of people who have pictured themselves and reached their goals.

 Quote for today: ““People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.” — Earl Nightingale”

Lesson 17 Positive Self-Talk

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 17 Self Talk

Our brains are always active.  We think throughout the day and dream at night. 

And, our brains can really help us reach our goals, keep our attitude positive and set us on the path to success.  We just have to program them to help us.

Example:  Ever been in a restaurant, mall or a store and there is some music that we playing in the background.  We recognize it and we (quietly) sing along.  Later that same day, you might be in your car and that same music comes back into your brain. 

Frequently our brain are in negative mood. 

I was looking at: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/7-steps-to-positive-self-talk/, and let me summarize the first two points on that website:

1.   

    Eliminate negative chatter.  Listen (to your brain), how many times you say (think) “I’m can’t do that”; “I’m not that smart”; “That would take too much work”; and so many other negative thoughts.  The websites suggests that you immediately counter that with “Why can’t I do that?” or “Yes, I can do that”. 

A close friend really liked a company that has great natural products.  These products are sold to friends through ‘parties’ where somebody demonstrates the products.  This friend is really sold on the products, it has made her life better.  She signed up to be a sales representative; but soon her self-talk became “I can’t do that”; “I’m not good at talking to people”; “I don’t like to call people and invite them to a party / demonstration”.  She believes in the products and also believes the products could be very helpful to others.  But, through her self-talk she has convinced herself that she can’t do it.

A quote used in an early lesson from Henry Ford “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are correct”.  In this case, this friend thinks she can’t sell the product.

2.       Positive affirmations:  All day, keep repeating (probably quietly) to yourself positive affirmations “I can do this”; “I can call people to invite them to a product demonstration”; “I love this product and I really want to tell people about this”; “I can master Calculus”; “I can run five miles”. 

If my friend were to say “I can call people”, “I love this product and I really want to show it off”, and similar positive affirmations, she would change her negatives to positives.

 You have to concentrate to stop the negative self-talk.  Do you want to lose weight?  Do you lack ‘will power’?  Do you say to yourself “I just can’t ever lose weight”?  Can you change your thoughts to “Yes, I can and will lose weight”? 

Like your goals, write down your positive affirmations.  “I can” needs to replace “I can’t”. 

As you sit on the side of your bed, ready for sleep, repeat your affirmations, put them in your brain.

Assignment:

• Today, listen carefully to your self-talk.  Count your negative thoughts.
• Today, replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts, change your “I can’t” affirmations into “I can” (and even better “I can, and I WILL”).
• Tonight fill your brain with positive affirmations before bed.  What did you find in the morning? 

Lesson 16 Procrastination

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 16 Procrastination

I was going to write this post three days ago!!!  So this lesson is for the author as well as for you.

There are times when the voice in my brain says “no rush”.  If I listen to that voice in my brain, I can put things off and procrastinate. 

To get this lesson, I want to give several quotes (taken from http://goodreads.com)

“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” 
― Charles Dickens

“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.” 
― Leonardo da Vinci

“Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“We are so scared of being judged that we look for every excuse to procrastinate.” 
― Erica Jong,

“The thing all writers do best is find ways to avoid writing.” 
― Alan Dean Foster

“If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you'll find you've done it.” 
― George Bernard Shaw

“Procrastination is opportunity's natural assassin.” 
― Victor Kiam

Yes, it sometimes is easier to put off until tomorrow or the day-after-tomorrow – or “someday”.   

The author finds that for me, it sometimes is as easy as just starting.  Even though I put off this lesson, once I started, it is moving along. 

Another story from my experience:  I know I need exercise and that is frequently walking.  Yesterday I just “didn’t feel like walking”.  I had another cup of coffee, I checked my email (for the fourth time since getting out of bed, I played another game, I finished my coffee and had another, then I needed the restroom.  Finally about an hour after I normally walk, I got my shoes and got going.  I ‘plodded’ for a few blocks, barely putting one foot in front of the other and then, “zing”, my brain and my attitude picked up and my pace picked up and I started moving at my normal pace.  By the time I finished, I felt good, got a good walk done, and on to the rest of my day.

 

Assignment: 

• Do you procrastinate?  Why?
• Any particular area do you procrastinate more?
• What is holding you back?
• Do you really work better on a project when you start late?  (Think on that)
• Do you have an assignment book for classes, where you block your time for study and doing assignments and due date?  Why or why not?
• How can you avoid procrastination in the future?

Lesson 15 - I screwed up

Coaching for College Students   Lesson 15 - I screwed up!! In our lessons so far, we have looked at attitude, goals (especial Big Hairy Audacious Goals), being remarkable, working towards Great, and avoiding pitfalls. But … someplace along the line will come the “I screwed up” moments.  The moments where I really left the tracks and did something wrong. We all have done it – so how to approach it. 1)     Admit it.  All too frequently we want to find a ‘scapegoat’  - someone or something to blame the problem on.  “I put the cake in the oven and forgot to set the timer.  Now the whole house spells like burnt cake.  I screwed up”. (Not … “I was watching it and somehow the timer was faulty and didn’t go off” or “I was watching it carefully when I got this important phone call and left the kitchen to talk on the phone”) 2)      See what can be salvaged.  Sometimes there are things that can be salvaged – maybe there is something we can use out of the situation.  3)      Put it behind you – but tuck the experience in your brain as a “Lesson Learned”.  There is an old experience, we learn from our mistakes and I’m so smart because of all my mistakes. Story:  I had Brian (not real name) as a student.  He was a good student, but not one of the stellar students – worked hard.  Brian was also a non-traditional student – married, two boys – had worked in a blue-collar job before getting his information systems degree. Brian got a good starting job with a major insurance company writing code and being a system analyst. I’m not sure what happened, but about five years after graduation, Brian was fired from the company.  Again, not sure – poor coding?  Slow?  Something.  In a couple of years after that, Brian was divorced and separated from his two sons.  And … sometime after that, Brian committed suicide.  Someplace Brian screwed up.  My guess is that he took it very personally, probably got morose – maybe even unpleasant to be around.  His wife got tired of that and left him.  As his attitude continued on a downward trend, he took ‘the easy way out’ and killed himself.  Not a success story – but a story to learn from.  He screwed up somehow.  He could have fixed it – changed his attitude, done an analysis on what caused him to be fired and changed his habits, behavior and life.  He could have looked for a job that was a better match for him.  But … he didn’t.  He didn’t salvage much of anything; he didn’t put it behind him. Assignment: Think of some mistakes from your past.  How did you handle them?  If you could visit the mistakes again, how might you approach them now? Why is ‘admitting’ our mistakes good?  What value is there in being humiliated? Why should we keep a mental file of ‘lessons learned’?  How can that help us? Do you know of any people like Brian?  What else could you do if you were in his situation?

Lesson 14 Networking I

Coaching for College Students

Lesson 14 - Networking

In our lessons so far, we have looked at attitude, goals (especial Big Hairy Audacious Goals), being remarkable, working towards Great, and avoiding pitfalls.

Today we will start looking at networking.

When I was young and naïve, this author thought it was “What I know not who I know” that made the difference.  After 38 years as a professor, I understand that knowledge is important, that thinking and being able to adapt is very important, but having a network is also very important.  So, who I know – and who I network with is important.

Overview:  What is networking?

According to San Jose State University; “Networking is simply an information exchange between you and another person. It involves establishing relationships with people who can help you advance your career in many ways” (taken from: http://ischool.sjsu.edu/career-development/networking/what-networking)

\You can network with anyone.   You can ‘network’ with your roommate, your classmates, your professors.  Let’s look more at the purpose of networking

Purpose of professional networking:  The SJSU definition says “establishing relationships with people who can help you advance your career in many ways”.

Who to network with for a career?

As you have been thinking about who you are and where you are going, this is a good time to meet with people in that field.  Let’s say you are thinking about going into computing – you should be finding people to talk to in that field.  Within computing, there are several areas – programming, vendor liaison, networking (computer networking, not people networking), architecture, ERP, CRM, security and much more.  Most students who are thinking of computing may not be thinking of all the options and talking to some computing professionals can help you understand the field. 

There are many sources for networking – your neighbors, your parent’s friends and people they know, even your high school career counselors will know people to talk to.

How to get a network appointment

Call or email the person to see if you can ask them questions about their field.  Make an appointment of approximately 15 minutes.  If you are going to the person’s work site, be very understanding of their time.  A CEO or high level professional making $200,000 a year on an hourly basis is about $100 an hour.  Not that you will need to pay for the time spent with the person, but be careful of their time.  Time they spent with you is time that they could be making million dollar decisions for their companies.

Have an agenda – ask specific questions – do your homework before you met.  Questions you might want to ask in a networking session:

• How did you choose this field?
• What is your average day like?
• What professional organizations are you part of and why?
• What advice might you have for me?
• If you could start over, how might you do it differently?
• Why do you like what you do?
• Did you always want to be in a position like this?
• Who has made the biggest impression on you and why?

Take notes in the interview.  Follow up questions with related questions if appropriate.    

Assignment:

• Find an interview and write your notes for two interview situations.
• How did you determine who to interview?
• Did the interviews help you towards – or away – from a particular field / job?
• Who else should you interview?  Why? 
• Could one of the people you interviewed become a mentor?  Why or why not?